Working With Schools to Support Your Child Effectively
Working with your child’s school can make a real difference to the support they receive.
For parents of children with SEND, communication with school is often one of the most important parts of the journey. When everyone works together, it becomes easier to understand your child’s needs, agree practical support, and review what is working.
But when communication breaks down, parents can feel unheard, frustrated, or unsure what to do next.
The goal is not to create conflict. The goal is to build a clear, consistent approach that puts your child’s needs at the centre.
Why Working With School Matters
Schools see your child in a learning environment every day. Parents understand what happens before school, after school, and at home.
Both perspectives matter.
A child may appear to cope in school but struggle at home. Another child may show distress in school that parents do not see directly. Sharing information helps build a fuller picture.
Good communication can help identify:
- What support is already in place
- What is working well
- Where your child is struggling
- Whether progress is being made
- Whether additional support is needed
- Whether an EHCP assessment should be considered
When home and school work together, support is more likely to be consistent.
Who Should Parents Speak To?
The right person depends on the concern.
You may need to speak with:
- Class teacher
- Form tutor
- SENCO
- Head of year
- Pastoral lead
- Headteacher
- Local authority SEND officer, if your child has an EHCP
For most SEND concerns, the SENCO is a key contact. They should understand the support available in school and how your child’s needs are being monitored.
Preparing for a School Meeting
Before meeting with school, take time to prepare.
It can help to write down:
- Your main concerns
- Examples of what your child is finding difficult
- What support has already been tried
- What has helped at home
- Any patterns you have noticed
- Questions you want to ask
- What outcome you would like from the meeting
Try to stay specific. Instead of saying “my child is not coping,” explain what you are seeing and how often it happens.
For example:
“My child is crying most mornings before school and has had three days off this month due to anxiety.”
Specific examples are easier for school staff to respond to.
Questions to Ask the School
Useful questions include:
- What support is currently in place?
- How often is support being provided?
- Who is responsible for delivering it?
- How is progress being measured?
- What does my child find most difficult in school?
- Are there any patterns in behaviour, anxiety, or learning?
- Is my child receiving SEN support?
- Does school think further assessment is needed?
- When will we review the support?
These questions help keep the conversation practical and focused.
Understanding the School’s Role
Schools have a duty to identify and support children with special educational needs.
This may include:
- Adapting teaching
- Providing small group interventions
- Offering pastoral support
- Making reasonable adjustments
- Monitoring progress
- Involving external professionals where needed
- Reviewing SEN support regularly
However, there may be limits to what a school can provide from its own resources.
If your child needs more structured or specialist support, it may be appropriate to explore the EHCP process.
You can read more about SEN support vs EHCP.
When Support Is Not Working
If your child is still struggling despite support, it is important to review what is happening.
Ask:
- Has the support been delivered consistently?
- Has it been reviewed?
- Is there evidence of progress?
- Are needs fully understood?
- Is specialist input needed?
- Does support need to be more specific?
Sometimes support is described on paper but not happening consistently in practice.
Keeping records can help you understand whether the issue is the type of support, the amount of support, or the way it is being delivered.
Keeping Communication Clear
Clear written communication can help avoid confusion.
After meetings, it is useful to send a short follow-up email confirming:
- What was discussed
- What was agreed
- Who is responsible
- When actions will happen
- When the next review will take place
This creates a written record and helps everyone stay accountable.
You do not need to write long emails. Short, clear summaries are often more effective.
What If You Feel Unheard?
Many parents worry that their concerns are not being taken seriously.
If this happens, try to move the conversation back to evidence.
You can ask:
- What evidence is being used to decide support?
- Can I see the current SEN support plan?
- How is progress being tracked?
- Can my concerns be added to the record?
- Can we arrange a review meeting?
- Should further assessment be considered?
If concerns continue, you may need to escalate the issue within school or seek external advice.
Working With School When Your Child Has an EHCP
If your child has an EHCP, the school should deliver the support written into the plan.
Parents can ask:
- Is all provision being delivered?
- Who is delivering each part?
- How often is support happening?
- How is progress being measured?
- Are any parts of the plan difficult to deliver?
- Does the EHCP need reviewing?
If support in the EHCP is not being delivered, this should be raised with both the school and the local authority.
You can read more about what happens after an EHCP is issued.
Building a Collaborative Relationship
A positive relationship with school does not mean agreeing with everything.
It means keeping communication respectful, clear, and focused on your child’s needs.
Helpful approaches include:
- Staying factual
- Keeping records
- Asking clear questions
- Acknowledging what is working
- Raising concerns early
- Requesting reviews when needed
- Focusing on solutions
Parents should not feel they have to manage everything alone, but their voice is important.
When to Consider Further Support
You may need further support if:
- Your child is not making progress
- Communication with school has broken down
- Support is inconsistent
- Needs are not being recognised
- Your child is becoming increasingly distressed
- You are unsure whether an EHCP is needed
- You disagree with decisions being made
In these situations, professional guidance can help you understand your options.
Frequently Asked Questions: Working With Schools
Who should I speak to if I am worried about my child’s support?
Start with your child’s class teacher or form tutor. For SEND concerns, you should also speak to the SENCO.
What should I ask at a school meeting about SEND support?
Ask what support is in place, how often it happens, who delivers it, how progress is measured, and when it will be reviewed.
What if the school says my child is fine but I disagree?
Share specific examples of what you are seeing at home and ask how school is monitoring progress, wellbeing, and support needs.
Can parents request an EHCP assessment without the school?
Yes, parents can request an EHCP assessment directly from the local authority. You do not need the school to apply on your behalf.
What if school support is not working?
Ask for a review meeting. Look at what support has been tried, whether it has been delivered consistently, and whether further assessment is needed.
What if my child has an EHCP but the school is not following it?
Raise this with the school first, then contact the local authority in writing if the provision in the EHCP is still not being delivered.
How can I keep communication with school effective?
Keep communication clear, factual, and written where possible. After meetings, send a short summary of what was agreed.
Final Thoughts
Working with school is an important part of supporting a child with SEND.
When communication is clear and support is reviewed regularly, it becomes easier to identify what your child needs and whether current provision is enough.
If you want to understand how school support connects with the EHCP process, you can explore our comprehensive EHCP guide, which explains each stage in detail.