What Parents Wish They’d Known Before Starting the SEN Journey
For UK parents navigating Special Educational Needs (SEN), the journey can feel overwhelming, emotional, and unexpectedly complex. If you’re at the start—or somewhere in the middle—know this: you are not alone, and you are not failing. Many parents walk this path before you, and there are things they wish someone had told them sooner.
This article shares hard-won insights, reassurance, and practical SEN parenting advice to support families across the UK SEN system.
The SEN Journey in the UK: More Than Just Extra Support
Most parents begin the SEN journey with one simple hope: “I just want my child to be okay at school.” What many don’t expect is how much time, emotional energy, and advocacy it can take.
In the UK, SEN support is shaped by:
Schools and SENCOs
Local authorities
Health and social care services
Legal frameworks such as the SEND Code of Practice
Understanding this early can help parents realise an important truth: challenges are usually systemic, not personal.
“Trust Your Instincts” Is More Than a Saying
One of the most common things SEN parents say is:
“I knew something wasn’t right, but I doubted myself.”
Parents are often the first to notice differences—whether that’s speech delay, sensory overload, emotional regulation struggles, or learning difficulties. Yet many are reassured to “wait and see.”
What parents wish they’d known:
You don’t need to wait for things to get worse before asking for help
Raising concerns early is not overreacting
You are the expert on your child
If something feels off, it’s worth pursuing—politely, persistently, and in writing.
The SEN System Is Not Linear (or Fast)
Many parents expect a clear pathway: concern → assessment → support → progress. In reality, the SEN parent journey in the UK often involves:
Long waiting lists
Inconsistent communication
Repeating your child’s story multiple times
Progress that feels like two steps forward, one step back
This can be deeply frustrating, especially when your child is struggling now. Knowing this upfront doesn’t make it easier—but it does help parents prepare emotionally and practically.
You Will Probably Have to Advocate More Than You Expected
A difficult truth many parents discover is that support often depends on how well you can advocate.
That may include:
Chasing emails and meetings
Learning SEN terminology and legal rights
Requesting assessments or evidence
Challenging decisions respectfully but firmly
This doesn’t mean schools don’t care—it means the system is overstretched. Advocacy is not being “pushy”; it is being proactive.
Labels Are Not the Enemy—Lack of Support Is
Many parents fear labels such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or SEMH needs. They worry about stigma, judgement, or their child being “limited.”
What parents often realise later:
A diagnosis doesn’t change your child—it explains them
Labels can unlock understanding, adjustments, and funding
Children often feel relief when their experiences are recognised
A label should never define a child, but it can protect them in a system that requires evidence.
Your Child’s Self-Esteem Matters as Much as Their Attainment
Academic progress is important, but many SEN parents wish they’d known sooner how vulnerable their child’s confidence can be.
Children who struggle without adequate support may internalise:
“I’m stupid”
“I’m naughty”
“School isn’t for me”
Advocating for reasonable adjustments, celebrating strengths, and ensuring your child feels safe and understood can be life-changing—not just for learning, but for long-term wellbeing.
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SEN Parenting Can Be Isolating—Find Your People
Many parents describe feeling:
Judged by others
Misunderstood by family or friends
Alone in decision-making
Connecting with other SEN parents—online or locally—can provide validation, practical advice, and emotional relief. Hearing “me too” can be incredibly powerful.
You are not imagining things. You are not alone. And you are not failing.
You Are Allowed to Feel Tired, Angry, or Grief-Stricken
This is rarely spoken about openly, but many parents experience grief—not for their child, but for the journey they expected.
It’s okay to grieve:
The ease you hoped school would bring
The lack of support you encounter
The energy SEN parenting demands
Feeling this does not mean you love your child any less. It means you are human.
Things Do Get Clearer With Time
While the SEN journey is rarely easy, many parents say that over time:
They become more confident navigating the system
Their child’s needs are better understood
The fear lessens, even if challenges remain
You learn the language. You find allies. You discover your child’s strengths more clearly.
Final Words for Parents at the Start of the SEN Journey
If you take one thing from this article, let it be this:
You are doing your best in a complex system that was not designed with ease in mind.
The SEN journey in the UK can be slow, emotional, and demanding—but it can also lead to deeper understanding, stronger advocacy skills, and a clearer picture of who your child is beyond school measures.
Be kind to yourself. Keep asking questions. And remember: your voice matters.